I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think my vagina is haunted
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
