so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
