please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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