i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
