Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize