2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
