I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
