speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize