i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I could make wine with my vomit
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
