Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
