I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
