Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize