i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
