We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
