at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
