I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
