Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I could make wine with my vomit
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
