I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
