I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize