NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
