a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
