I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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