last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize