An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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