i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
