you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
