fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
