I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
