I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
