i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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