Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize