and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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