FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
