turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
