He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
