I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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