Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
