Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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