did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have peed in a lot of sinks
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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