WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
