I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We talked him into tasing himself.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
