I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All the doctor said was why
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
