Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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