lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize