So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize