did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
