I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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