she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
