Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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