I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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