Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
