my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
