so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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