I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You are a genius and a whore.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
