My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
