brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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