I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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