This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
