i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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