it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
