I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
