I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
