if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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