DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
