i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
