I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize