k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
