doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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