Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
