Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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